Wait… Come Back

After reading a blog that tweaked me a bit, I wrote a well thought out disagreement to that particular post. It’s been almost five days and the comment still hasn’t appeared on the site. I spent a good amount of time crafting my rebuttal, hoping to have a real conversation with this blog writer but I was denied. The comment has been approved - over a week or so after the fact.

I will not be going back to her blog again but I still feel I need to express my opinion. Without linking to this lady’s blog, I will just say her post was on how to deal with fear. Her solution was to replace the fear feeling with a better feeling - love. And that was it.  Supposedly writing down what you’re afraid of, then thinking of something/one you love should make the fear drift away and give you a feeling of confidence.

I hope I’m not the only one willing to cry bull on this. If you’re genuinely seeking to deal with your fears, this is just like sticking a big ol’ smiley face on a car wreck and walking away while people are dying in the wreck. Sure, you made it look happy (?) but the people are still dying. That may be stretching it, but if you mask your fear, shove it aside, or stuff it way down deep, you haven’t dealt with it and it will rear its ugly head again.

So here’s my way of dealing with fear:

1. Write down what I’m afraid of. For example, I may be afraid of making that big leap into self-employment.
2. Next to that, write down why I’m afraid. Am I afraid because I won’t be earning anything initially and am worried about the bills? Am I scared because I don’t know how to get started? Or is it because I’m really afraid of failure?
3. Now that I know WHY I’m afraid of whatever it is that I’m afraid of, I can attack each reason with fact, truth and practical ways to deal with my concerns.  I’ll take one of the reasons in step 2 for example: If I’m afraid because I don’t know how to start, I should find a mentor, go to my local Small Business Association, read books, ask questions. I should research until I’m comfortable with how to proceed.
4. My fear is now conquered. Mostly.*

I understand some of this is a little over-simplified but it sure as hell beats “think happy thoughts” as the way to conquer fear. A positive outlook on life is essential &emdash; I will not deny that, however the Pollyannaish stuff that’s coming out of self-help “gurus” is so not helpful. Deal with your problems or they’ll deal with you.

*There is something to be said about resistance. It’s a powerful force and I hope to one day overcome my own resistance to action. Read Art & Fear for a treatise on resistance.

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